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the quotes above are from the leader of our nation. the stuff below is from me and is updated daily. now i might not be the sharpest bulb in the shed but i think i have too many thoughts in my head and i need a place to put them. so here they are.


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rick bartow
rick bartow

1-15-06 9:28pm


rick bartow

1-15-06 7:19pm
this weeks new porno's

Cheaper by the Cousin II
the whole cast is back for hardcore anal action that will leave you thinking,
"maybe i should have anal sex later"

The Chronicles of Labia: The penis, the ass and the bathrobe
Lucy, Edmund, Susan and Peter enter the world of Labia through a magical glory hole in the bathroom of a
tiger mart in rural west virginia

Fun with Dick and Vagina
When the underwear Dick lives in becomes involved in an Enron-like scandal and he is confronted with the
prospect of losing his stiffness, Dick and Vagina learn they fit together perfectly.

Glory hole Road 
In 1966, Texas Western coach Don Haskins led the first all-black starting lineup for a college basketball team
to the NCAA national championship. In 'Glory hole Road,' we follow the coach and his team of cocksuckers as
they create history and break down racial barriers as a star player punches a whole in the locker room wall
creating what is to be known as the worlds first glory hole.

Hood twinked
Chief Grizzly and Detective Bill Stork investigate a domestic disturbance at Granny’s bordello, involving a
thong wearing Red Riding Hood, a well hung wolf and a bi-sexual Woodsman (Jim Belushi).

King Dong
the timeless tale of a gargantuan cock captured in the wilds and brought to civilization, where he
meets his tragic fate. Expanding on the chapters of the tale that take place in the mysterious and dangerous
jungles of Cum Island, 'Dong' promises to be a unique and breathtaking creation.

Last Holiday in Gay Town
Georgia Byrd is an Ebony Hottie who has always lived within her means. Always, that is, until she's told she
only has three weeks to live. Instead of dwelling on the negative, she decides to sex up the entire village.

Match Point - Tennis Sluts III
Summer is here and the camp is open but under new ownership. once again the girls must prove themselves
on the court and in the bedroom.

Munich, I lick, We all lick
The 1972 Olympics in Munich, Germany, were supposed to be a peaceful gathering of outstanding athletes
from around the world, but on September 3, the games took a super sexy turn as the leader of the olympics
decides to award extra "sexiness" points to athletes who compete naked.

Mammories of a Geisha 
the diary of a set of chinese boobs cums to life in south beach. call the sex police because chin ho is about
to go on a very dirty crime spree.

Grandma's Boy's Cock
Can the world's oldest adolescent maintain his cool while screwing his grandmother? Alex is a 35-year-old
anal sex fanatic who gave up a career in taxidermy to take a job testing dildos for DildoCo, the company
behind the wildly popular dildo "two and a half feet."

The Family bone
A woman meets her future in-laws and discovers they don't have genitals. Everett Bone is a well hung businessman who is engaged to marry Meredith Morton , and has asked her to spread for a
Thanksgiving sexathon with his anatomically incorrect family.

The Producers of Semen
the movie of the musical of the movie of balls slapping against ass over nad over again.

Syriana's anal adventure
Syriana, Malibu, Stacey Oh! and Trigg Massive are back for high seas ass busting excitement.

Good Night, and Good Fuck
ted hugedick proves that journalism and actual jiz go together like milk and honey in this cum drenched
rainbow of erections. is that your penis in my vagina or did i leave the remote in there again?

The Squid and the Whale's Eye
mad fucking ensues as Dr. Larry Holdfood discovers the cure for nogettinlaid syndrome. a box of soiled
panties proves to be a delightful foil for the 3 penised curmudgeon living in phoenix

Charlie and the Jizz Factory
When Charlie Fucket finds a golden condom in his Willy Wonka chocolate bar and wins a guided tour of the
legendary jizz-making facility that no outsider has seen for 15 years, it's a cream dream come true… or so he
thinks. Along with four other children, Charlie explores the horny world of the eccentric Willy Wonka and his
loyal staff of singing Dildos. Charlie discovers that even in a world of Jizz, not everything is sweet.

Aeon Fux
It is the 25th century, and a computer virus has wiped out nearly all of the Earth's porn. The lone surviving
outpost is Bregna, a walled, utopian city-state governed by larry flint. But all is not well in this supposedly
perfect society. The government practices totalitarian rule, and citizens regularly orgasm, with no trace of
semen. Within the band of rebels dedicated to fighting the totalitarian government, Aeon Fux, one
of the rebellion's best whores, is given a top-secret assignment. Her mission: to fuck the shit out of the leader
of the government.

Piss Piss, Bang Bang
An actor-turned-crook gets a second chance at his career in porn as well as fighting crime in this offbeat
action comedy. don't miss the scene where the penis enters the vagina!

rick bartow

1-15-06 6:31pm

well its 2006 and the new babies are here! who is your pick for best new baby?

rick bartow

12-07-05 8:54pm
talkingchimps.com teams up with buy.com
attention christmas shppers!!
we have tons of coupons from buy.com here


rick bartow

12-07-05 8:54pm
christmas e-cards are here!!!
too cheap to buy a real gift? no problem, our christmas e-cards are free and just as useless as that solar powered oven mit cleaner you were thinking of getting.

click here to send a christmas e-card
pick up your e-card here
rick bartow

12-07-05 2:20am
vatican issues guidelines on gay priests
pedophiles still await ruling -
full story here

ROME — Proving the old saying, "God hates Fags", the (not so fabulous) vatican on Tuesday released instructions that block actively gay men from the priesthood, a long-anticipated document that already has opened a debate over how it will be applied (liberally to infected area) and whether it will have a healing, or detrimental, effect on the Roman Catholic Church.

Cardinal Zenon Grocholewski, author of the eight-page document as prefect of the Congregation for Catholic Education, said Tuesday that it was crucial for the church to speak out now, before more men got down on their knees and annointed themselves with that (not so holy) water.

"Many are defending a position (69) in which the homosexual condition is considered a normal condition of the human being, almost like a third (uber-fashionable) gender," Grocholewski told Vatican Radio. "That absolutely contradicts human anthropology, and, according to the church, contradicts natural law." he added, "if you take a mans rib and make a woman from it, thats human anthropology, two men kissing, thats just crazy talk."

The document, which was leaked in its entirety last week on a Catholic news website, says that men with "deep-seated homosexual tendencies" who support a "gay culture" may not become priests. But men who have "overcome" a homosexuality that was "transitory" and who have remained celibate for three years before joining the seminary are eligible.

so tom cruise is in and george micheal is out.

Father Robert Gahl, a theologian, praised the document for establishing "more challenging expectations" for men who want to become priests. Homosexuals are clearly barred, he said, because the rules require a man with homosexual tendencies not only to have lived a celibate life but to have overcome those tendencies long before entering the seminary. As a final test before a seminary student may become a preist, a church offical will inspect the preist-to-be's room and body with a holy blacklight searching for semen and other bodily fluids.

"Anyone who considers himself homosexual ought to realize that as such, the church is not calling him to the priesthood," said Gahl, who teaches at Rome's St. Cross Pontifical University, "however, if you are into little boys this is the place for you."

rick bartow

12-06-05 10:38pm
the story of rick • part II
read part I here
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When Bartow was nine years old, he discovered Styx. He grew out of that right away (which is good because he almost changed his name to Ryx) and soon became a contributing writer for Rolling Stone and went on to win four Assblast Awards for outstanding achievements in Rock and Roll journalism. The young Bartow astounded writers and Popes across the nation and the globe. But by the time Rick was ten and a half the lifestyle had caught up with him. Ten packets of Fun Dip, a dozen Capri Suns, two jumbo bags of M&M's, and three cheese doodle omelettes a day were too much for this young Andre the Giantesque prodigy, and soon he checked himself into rehab. Well, actually he went back to fifth grade but actually I've heard the two are quite similar.

There was no peace for young Bartow even in the salad days of his youth. For there were no croutons on Bartow's salad, and the dressing was tainted with blood. The blood of fish. For young Rick's father was a midshipman in the Armestian National Navy and Fish company. Despite a life at sea, he started rocking with local teen sensations. The Yarn Farmers' but could only find time to rock when the crew of the boat had shore leave. So the band broke up after winning critical acclaim and beating Challenger in a regional battle of the bands. On the lonely boat Bartow recorded his first solo album, "Rick Bartow's Great Catastrophe" and to get the ladies, played in an acoustic trio called E.M.B.... more to come


rick bartow

12-04-05 6:39pm
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